Yet again your girl has disappeared... I've been in a pretty interesting space lately.  I've had good days, rough days, and everything in between.  Honestly, life after graduation is NOTHING like I expected and if I'm being even more honest, it's a lot more challenging than I thought it would be.  I anticipated this feeling of being free, enjoying a new chapter in my life, and I was looking forward to starting a new job within a couple of weeks of graduation.  So far, all I've been feeling is stressed out, pressured, and overwhelmed.  

To begin with, the job hunt didn't go exactly as I planned.  I wanted to secure this teaching position soon after graduation but due to some things that were out of my control, I won't be starting that job for a few more weeks.  I've felt this ticking time bomb because for some reason society has conditioned us to think that at 22 we are supposed to graduate and have our lives in order.  Being that I didn't graduate until 24, I already have this feeling of being behind.  Added to that is the fact that I'm still not 100% sure that the career goals I have lined up are going to work out.  I mean, do I really want to be a teacher?  Am I good at it? Do I want to work with kids until I retire?  I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.  

As if not having my professional life figured out isn't enough, here comes the questions about my personal life.  When are you getting your ring?  When's the wedding date?  Are you going to have kids?  Can we please just stop lol.  At this point in my life, I'm not looking for a ring to sparkle or wedding bells to chime, nor am I looking to push out children.  I don't know if I want kids ever but I definitely do not want any right now.  I'm trying to get my life together but as we know the struggle is real.  The hardest part about all of this is that I feel like every area of my life changed drastically at the same time.  I am no longer in school, I'm not sure if I want to be someone's wife, I can't decide on a career... there's just so much to think about.  

For now, the plan is to go back to school in the springtime and start taking classes to get my full-time teaching credential.  Emphasis on the words "for now" lol... we'll see how I feel once I start this new job, we'll see what the classes look like, we'll see.  I feel like anytime anyone has asked me a question recently that has to do with my future, my answer is "we'll see".  I do have certain plans that I'll keep to myself for now, but when the time is right I'll share them.  I read somewhere recently that if God has placed something on your heart, don't let anyone or anything distract you from that plan.  Though I'm not sure what's going to happen next, I'm going to trust God anyway.  Things usually fall apart before they fall into place.  Be patient and trust God.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14 NIV

All My Love, 

Tyler

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