A post that I have typed, deleted, re-typed, drafted, deleted again… A post that I debated about sharing altogether because I’m a recovering people pleaser, a fairly private person, and I know that this post might be upsetting or shocking to others. I made this blog with the intent to share my life - the ups, downs, and everything in between so that includes the part of life where I go from one chapter to the next. I recently shared all that led up to me stepping away from a Master’s program (if you missed it, catch up). And here we are… a couple months later and I’ve finally decided to share that I’m not teaching anymore. It doesn’t feel weird to think about, but to share it out loud hits a little different.

Truthfully, I don’t know where to begin but I guess I’ll give a snapshot of what my teaching career looked like. I was hired in Summer 2019, a week before school started. I scrambled to decorate my classroom with the help of my mom. Your first year of teaching is essentially accepting that you have no clue what you’re doing. Luckily for me, I had some coworkers (they’re basically family at this point) who helped me every moment they could. We call ourselves the Teacher Squad and, in short, they are one of the biggest reasons I stayed as long as I did. (I feel so nervous typing this whole thing to be honest because it’s just so… personal. But let’s continue.) I missed the first few days of school because my mom had cancer and had surgeries and procedures at that time - no one knew but the principal and the teacher squad… this will come around full- circle in a little bit. In March 2020, we left school because of Covid which I talked about here. We all know that was a hot mess, followed by the hot mess of being in school full-time and teaching full-time. Aside from the Teacher Squad and maybe 3 other people, I didn’t get a lot of support - and I’ll just leave it at that.

I stepped in to teaching because I was “passionate about education” and working with people with disabilities. I wanted to “make a difference” and all that other stuff you say on your teacher school application. Really, I wanted to cultivate a classroom where students felt safe physically and emotionally so they could succeed academically. I focused on building relationships with students and their families and I did just that. I taught 4-6th grade, so many of my students stayed the same during the 4ish years I was there. I accomplished what I set out to do… but inside I wasn’t happy. I loved my students, loved working with the Teacher Squad, but I woke up feeling anxious every day I had to go to work. I was frustrated, stressed out, overworked, under-appreciated, and emotionally drained. Teaching required me to put being a person first aside and daily attempt to manage all the things coming my way without any kind of emotional or personal response. I’ve always been good about having a work-life balance but I just constantly felt like I was only seen as a teacher. On top of that, the violence towards schools didn’t make things any better as I constantly wondered “is today going to be the day that I have to sacrifice myself?” I struggled, and my mental health did too. Earlier this year it affected my physical health and that was a wake up call.

Well before Covid, I’ve wanted to work from home. If nothing else came from the panoramic, it was the fact that I knew for certain I really loved working remotely, largely because I felt safe and comfortable. I knew that when I left teaching I wanted to get a job that was fully or at least hybrid telework. I wanted a supportive, involved manager and a positive work environment. Nothing will ever top the Teacher Squad but I wanted coworkers that collaborate and enjoy the space they’re in. I wanted to be fulfilled and feel like what I do for work matters. I am happy to say that 5 interviews, prayers, lots and lots of tears, and 7 million applications later, I have just that and then some. I’ve cried tears of gratitude every week since starting this new job because I’m the happiest I’ve been at work in a long time. Everything is working out for me.

That full circle moment I mentioned? This year, I set up my classroom exactly how I wanted to. It was filled with donations from so many loved ones, decor from students in previous years, and the love and light that my kids brought in every day. I told you that I missed the first day of school my first year because I was taking care of my mom. On my last day of school, she came to help me move things out of my classroom and told me how proud she is, tears. The Teacher Squad brought all my favorite things for lunch and gave me some special words to carry me to my next job - tears. One of my students gave me his favorite stuffed animal that he’s had on his desk since last school year. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to give it to me because I know it’s his favorite… he said yes, so I can put it on my new desk - tears. My students got me my favorite snacks, played all my favorite board games, and sent me off with some of the cutest gifts that decorate my current workspace. I’m not crying, you are. I have never felt so supported and loved by my people.

I guess the point of all this is that life is too short to be unhappy where you are. Whether it’s a job, a relationship, whatever. Do what brings you joy and don’t worry about what others think. I knew that walking away from teaching would mean, “what about the kids?” to which I’ve responded, “what about me?” I can’t pour from an empty cup. Also, it’s not like I abandoned them lol. I keep in very close contact with them and their families and there’s a few who I’m locked in with for life. I love my students, and I love prioritizing my personal needs too. It was hard stepping away from the career that I thought I would be in forever but it would’ve been even harder spending the next 30 years of my life being miserable. I’m transitioning well but this whole working until 5pm thing is toughhh.

“Why are you physically in a place where you’ve been mentally checked out for a while? If your heart isn’t there anymore, you don’t need to be either because at this point you’re either forcing it, or knowingly wasting your time - or both.” -some girl on Twitter, but she said what she said.

Take care of you. Oh, and if you’re wondering what I’m doing now, I still work with individuals with disabilities, just in a different capacity. And I’ll leave it at that because this is the internet and y’all are cool but there’s a difference between transparent and blasting my entire life lol. Until next time…

All My Love,

Tyler

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10 NIV