Healing and Forgiveness

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4 NIV

To date, this is my most personal post.  I have wanted to share this for so long but wanted to make sure I shared it in the right way and at the right time.  To whoever reads this, I pray that it helps you.  I pray that you continue to move forward in a life full of blessings and stay encouraged in the Lord despite your loss.  Grab a snack, this will be a long one...

I mentioned in a previous post that I lost someone very close to me back in February 2016.  To respect the privacy of those involved, I will not use names but I still hope that this post is helpful to someone.  In short, there was a drunk driving accident that injured one person and took the life of another.  When people pass away suddenly, life pauses for a moment as you try and figure out what happened and how you will continue on without that person.  I had a very special conversation with this person just a few days before the accident and the conversation was filled with goals that we hoped to accomplish together and how proud we were of each other.  When they passed away, I was angry, hurt, confused, shocked, and sad that we wouldn't get to accomplish the things we talked about.  

Shortly after this person's death, I realized that the driver and I had a mutual friend who I was pretty close with.  At the time I didn't know why but God kept putting it on my heart to somehow reach out to her.  Every time I thought about my loved one being gone, I thought about her and how she and her family must be feeling.  We were the same age and I couldn't imagine being held legally responsible for someone's death at the young age of 22.  Everyday  I thought of her family, her friends, and how they must be handling everything.  She was facing some heavy charges and serious prison time for the accident.  God continued to tell me that I needed to talk to her, somehow and someway.  I tried to ignore it; why should I reach out and what would I say?  How would it go?  Why me?  If you know God then you know that you can try to run from Him but eventually you will do what He tells you to do.  

In the summer of that year I decided to write a letter to her.  I told her who I was, how I knew the person who passed away, and I let her know that I forgave her.  More importantly, I told her that she needed to forgive herself and ask God for forgiveness.  I gave her my contact information and said that if she ever needed anyone, I would be there for her.  I gave it to my friend to give to her and about a week later my friend told me she absolutely loved the letter.  She couldn't imagine that someone like me would reach out to someone like her.  My friend told me that she wanted to write me back as soon as possible.  

In late 2016 she got her sentencing and God put it on my heart to write another letter.  I had never wrote a letter to someone who was incarcerated but I knew that I couldn't avoid God's direction so I sent her a Christmas card with a little letter inside.  In my previous letter I said that I forgave her and I was sure I meant what I said, but I can honestly say that I hadn't really forgiven her.  Why?  Because I didn't know her.  I mean, I knew her name and I saw her on Facebook a few times but I had no connection to her.  I wasn't even sure that I wanted to know her because the only reason I contacted her was because of a terrible car accident. However, I sent off the Christmas card and went on about my business.

In early 2017 I remember coming home from a long day of school and work and finding a letter on my bed.  My hands began to shake when I picked it up because it was a letter from a jail and I knew who sent it.  I nervously opened the letter and as I read it, I cried.  I won't say everything she wrote but I will share this: she needed me and I needed her.  I realized that this was not just some random girl but this was someone's friend, daughter, sister, and most importantly, a child of God.  We began to exchange letters every couple of weeks and we helped each other heal.  I found out that we have a lot more in common than I could've ever imagined.  I let God do His work and even though it was painful, I needed to learn the lesson.  I learned what it really meant to forgive someone else and have compassion for a stranger.  I can honestly say now that she is a friend of mine and my sister in Christ and we still exchange letters.  How?  Because we all have made mistakes but we all deserve love and forgiveness.  

Don't get me wrong - healing didn't come overnight and it's a journey.  I still cry, I still wonder why it had to happen the way it did, and I still have moments where I wish my loved one was still here.  However, I've come to realize that God's plan is perfect.  Without the loss, I would not have gained a friend and would not have learned the lesson on forgiveness and compassion.  My point is this: trust in God's ways even when you don't understand it.  Be kind to people, be a light to people, and be loving.  When someone passes away, think of what that person meant to you and be that for someone else.  Don't be afraid to move forward in life and heal.  Pray and allow God to show you what He wants you to see and then step into His light and receive His blessings.  You never know how He might turn one of your toughest times into one of the best blessings.  Forgiveness is a journey.  Healing takes time.  I pray that this helps someone and if you're going through a tough loss, keep going and get through.  
 

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

All My Love,

Tyler